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Questions and Answers: What Is The Difference Between Being In Love and Loving



Yes, I find the term "falling in love" very disturbing. God commands us to love one another, Who also shows agape loves towards us which is unconditional. So where does it say "fall in love"?

Falling in love with Jesus is the best thing I've ever done. Now, they use this same term with one another in relationships they fall in then fall out. I hear people say there are all kinds of love, which I know. You are going to have a different love towards your brother versus your child.

My question is this: when someone is in a relationship someone, they will say that they love him/her but that they are not in love with her. Please explain, because I truly don't understand. Is this only a worldly term, because I don't see it in the Bible.


This idea is simply the type of thing that people say when they are trying to sort through something, Love, that they do not understand.  Most people cannot experience real love.  They can have friendship: the Bible talks about this--Greek word, phileo, that means brotherly love.  They can have family love: The Bible talks about this--Greek word, storge, refers to the kind of love that occurs naturally between family members, which is a good gift from God.  They can have the self-gratifying relationship, which is not true love.  The Bible talks about this--Greek word, eros, for self-gratifying "love." There are also counterfeits for true agape love.  This is often political love.  It is the kind of faked love to get something from someone.  Then there is supernatural love, that is only available through Jesus: The Bible talks about this--Greek word, agape, that means the supernatural kind of love. Then, there is infatuation, which is not mentioned in the Bible.  God created infatuation, which is usually called falling in love.  Infatuation is a temporary (less than 2 years in most cases) physical reaction (emotions) and is not love.

It sounds like the person you mentioned has a feeling for the other person in one of the senses mentioned above but are not interested in a relationship that would lead to marriage.  Perhaps the person has phileo but not infatuation.  Perhaps this person has eros but not storge.  The only way to know is to ask the person what they mean by loving and being in love--and even then, does the person have any clue themselves.  They probably do not.

Love is very simple if we follow Scripture.  Lies make everything complex and confusing.  
God is love.  God works within you in different ways for different reasons.  God works differently between a husband and wife than He does between two unmarried people.  And there are many other examples that could be given.  However, it is always the same God Who is Love.  
There is fake love, too.  These are lies that make everything complex and confusing.   
God is love.  God is the only love there is.  There is fake love.  Love is the fulfillment of the law.  The law is spiritual and good.  There is none good but God.  The law is Love.  The law is actually God.  That is why it was so ridiculous of the religious people, the Hebrews, to try to fulfill the law by human effort rather than by accepting the free gift of righteousness that flows freely from God.  Romans tells us that they could have accepted this free gift but set about to try to create their own righteousness.  Righteousness is the fulfillment of the law.  Righteousness is really love.  Righteousness is God.  God is righteousness.  All other righteousness is self-righteousness.  Righteousness is simply this: Step 1, You believe God instead of believing Satan so you yield to God instead of yielding to Satan.  Step 2, God gives you a measure of His faith and His faith gives you access into His grace, His free gift of righteousness (love).  You cease from your own works and allow God to do His work through you--grace does the work.  Every time you do this, your mind is changed just a little bit.  This is the renewing of your mind spoken of in Romans 12:1-2.  This renewing of your mind is what the parable of the sower is all about.  The word, repent, does not mean saying that you are sorry.  The Greek word for repent means have a new mind.  Righteousness is God (Who is Love) in the moment.  Holiness is God (Who is Love) in the soul permanently.  Holiness is Christ formed in you.

You should know that no one can approach God without receiving Jesus as Savior.  
More about God's process for righteousness and holiness here.

Last updated: Oct, 2011
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Questions and Answers: What Is The Difference Between Being In Love and Loving


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